The Appearance Alteration
by CatGal15
Summary: Please R&R.
1. Chapter 1

Howard grabbed a box of frozen pizza and backed out of the freezer. As he turned and placed the item in his half-full cart a young man and an old man rounded the corner. "I still can't believe you're getting your doctorate," the old man was saying, as they passed Howard. "I'm incredibly proud of you, son."

Howard listened to the young man graciously but modestly accept his father's accolades. Closing the freezer door with more force than he intended, he pushed the cart out of the frozen section with a scowl on his face.

-0-0-0-0-

When the urgent knock shattered the silence, in a common and unspecial fashion, the last person Penny expected to see was Sheldon. "Have either of you heard from Amy?" he greeted them.

"No."

"Me neither, and I was expecting her here five minutes ago!" he said, tapping his watch. "Oh, six! Penny, I'm getting worried."

"Aw, that's sweet, how much you care. Relax, she probably got stuck at a red light."

"Maybe." Sheldon considered, and made a face. "I'm waiting out front." He turned and moved quickly to the stairs. Smiling to herself, Penny closed the door.

Sheldon swiftly descended. Stepping off the last flight he passed a lady. "Excuse me."

"Sheldon."

He stopped and turned, studying the woman again. It was Amy, he realized. She had parted her hair differently and did not wear hair clips, so it flowed freely down her shoulders. She had put on pink lipstick, and was wearing a dressy blue shirt and jeans. "Amy," he said, trying to take it all in. "What did you do to yourself?!"

"Don't you like it?"

"Yes! But it was the old you I loved."

Amy ran a hand over her bodied hair. "It's still me."

"Well, the lipstick is a bit much," Sheldon grumbled. "I don't want it rubbing off on me; I'd never hear the end of it." He gazed into her made up eyes. "Why?" he asked simply.

"Penny has made it debilitatingly clear that I have no fashion sense. I want to show her how feminine I can be." Then she paused and shrugged. "And it might be more accurate to say that it's nearing the anniversary of our first date, and I wanted to do something special."

"You didn't have to change yourself for me."

"It's not just for you. I'm tired of people saying I'm not..." Her voice trailed off as she felt a rush of embarrassment.

"Not what?" Sheldon asked caringly.

Amy met his gaze shyly. "Woman enough."

"Well," he answered, as they began ascending the stairwell, "If it makes you feel any better, people have often implied I'm not man enough."

They trudged the stairs together in compatible silence. They reached the top of the stairs at the same instant Penny and Leonard came out of 4B, and they stopped and stared at Amy.

"Amy?" Leonard asked.

"Yes," Amy said succinctly.

"Wow, you look...good," Penny told her.

Amy's brows went a little lower. "I know you mean to compliment me; but the surprise in your voice is insulting."

"Sorry, it's...the jeans."

Amy flashed her a toothy smile. "They're new." 


	2. Chapter 2

"So why the get-up?" Penny asked. "Somethin' special goin' on?"

"I was just going to ask you the same thing," Amy said bluntly, gesturing to Penny's ensemble of sweats.

"I'm going jogging."

Amy looked at Leonard's casual clothing.

"I'm not," he told her. "We already saw that movie."

Sheldon rolled his eyes. "Mock if you must, but I was trying to improve my health. There's nothing laughable about that."

Penny smiled as she moved toward the stairs. "Yeah there was."

-0-0-0-0-

Bernadette looked warily over at her husband, who was also in his sweats. He stared grumpily at the muted TV, the remote in one hand. He only moved when his iPhone made noise. Logging into Facebook he blinked; his social reserve dissipating. "Whoa. Look at this."

Bernadette adjusted her glasses, peering at the photo. "Is that Amy?"

"Yeah. Wow, she looks..." Howard's impressed expression quickly neutralized when he realized she was looking at him. "No prettier than my perfect wife!"

Bernadette turned her attention to the TV, and both she and Howard jumped as a crash came from the kitchen. Howard was on his feet and moving to the kitchen in a flash.

"I'm okay!" Cecile called, as he opened the door.

"Is that my mother's china?" Howard cried out.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry!"

"Why would you touch my mother's china?" Howard let himself into the kitchen and the door swung closed.

Bernadette finally struggled to her feet, changing direction when the doorbell rang. She moved slowly across the living room and the doorbell rang again. "I'M COMIN', KEEP YOUR PANTIES ON!" Bernadette shouted.

Finally reaching the door, she pulled it open and found herself staring at a child just a bit taller than she was.

The boy, holding a box of chocolates, looked at Bernadette's bulging stomach. "I don't think you need any more candy," he said obnoxiously, and turned to leave.

"I'm pregnant," Bernadette snapped, halting him.

"Oh," he said shyly.

"You wanna know why this happened to me? It's because of your gender!" Bernadette railed shrilly. "It's because a little boy, just like you, GREW UP!"

The boy withdrew.

"No whaddya want?" Bernadette shouted.

"I-I-I'm selling...cookies so my mom can go to her cousin's wedding," the boy said, blinking back tears.

"Aw, that's nice. You wanna do your mommy a favor? USE A CONDOM!"

The little boy turned and ran off the porch; and Bernadette slammed the door. Turning, she looked innocently at Cecile and Howard. "What?" she asked pleasantly.

Howard tried not to hide behind Cecile. "Oh, I hope we don't have any boys," he muttered. 


	3. Chapter 3

"Two for Shamy, four-thirty," Sheldon told the maitre d.

"What the hell kinda name is Shamy?"

"The best kind," came Sheldon's instant response.

"Alright, just let me check the records...Yep, here you are. Follow me, sir. Miss." The maitre d gave Amy an appraising look before leading Sheldon and Amy to their table. Taking the Reserved card, he looked at Amy. "You can do better," he said.

Amy looked at Sheldon and smiled before looking back into the man's eyes. "If that's what you think, perhaps you'd care to explain to me what's better than a man with five doctorates and an engagement ring with my name on it."

The man left quietly.

"Thank you," Sheldon told her.

"No problem." Amy sat across from him.

"I'm not sure I like this new look." Sheldon studied her. "I knew I had it good, but I don't need all the men in Pasadena thinking it, too."

"Well, then, perhaps that engagement ring should actually be on my finger," Amy told him.

Sheldon considered and then reached into his hanging wallet. "You're absolutely right, Amy." He took out the ring and she held her breath as he held it out to her. Then, dashing cold water on her dream, he added, "But take it off when we're alone. I don't want anything to happen to it if Mother should want it back."

Amy snatched the ring and forcefully slid it onto her finger.

"You seem frustrated."

"I am!" Amy said, keeping her voice as calm as possible to avoid making a scene.

"Why?"

"Sheldon, you have come a long way in this relationship. You don't mind when I spoon you at night, we've had..." She looked around the full room. "Coitus," she whispered, "And last night you even offered me a sip from your cup!"

He nodded.

"Yet, every time the opportunity presents itself, for you to really propose, all you do is remind me that you don't want me enough to marry me."

"That's not true!"

"Oh really? Then why don't I have a ring on my finger?"

Sheldon looked pointedly at her hand. Rolling her eyes, Amy took off the engagement ring and set it before her on the table. "Why don't I have a fiance who actually doesn't regret his proposal?" she rephrased.

"You mean it didn't count?"

"No!"

Sheldon looked away. "Huh," he said eloquently, and took the ring back. "Well, that's hurtful."

"That's hurtful? You vowed to be there for me, and when I woke up you'd already left."

There was an awkward pause.

"I didn't think you wanted me to be there."

"Of course I did! I always do!"

"Really?"

She nodded.

"Huh," he repeated. "That's how I feel." Then he made a face. "We're practically married already." He shook his head.

Amy rolled her eyes at the expression on his face and reached for her menu.

"Well, I guess the only thing left to do is make it official," his words made her freeze.

"What?"

Sheldon smiled at the look on her face before standing and promptly dropping to one knee. Amy turned in her seat to face him directly; and with the whole restaurant watching, Sheldon Lee Cooper proposed.

"Amy Farrah-Fowler, will you marry me?"

Amy stared. "Are you crazy?"

"You know I've been tested. And I'm not drunk, either," he told her. "Will you marry me?" he repeated.

Over the drum beat of her heart, Amy heard herself say, "Of course I will."

Then they were kissing and there was applause, and suddenly it was over. He was taking his seat across from her. She smiled, thinking her heart would pound its way right out of her chest.

"Okay, you're engaged now. Stop this madness and bring back the old Amy." 


	4. Chapter 4

Amy was beaming when Raj opened the door. "Well, you guys look happy," Raj told them. "I know that feeling. My carpet is clean and dry, and I have two well-named doggies who know to keep it that way."

Sheldon's calm smile wavered. "Enough chitchat; show him. Do the thing."

Amy raised her left hand, palm inward, showing off the flashy engagement ring.

Raj stared at it until it sank in. "Oh, guys, congratulations!" he finally exclaimed, and hugged Amy.

"Hey - hands off," Sheldon said, but happily shook Raj's hand. "Thank you."

Raj let them in. "This is big! Do the others know?"

"No, you're the first," Amy said happily.

"Oh, cool! That's big, too!"

The toilet flushed, and as the bathroom taps came on Amy's smile died. "Sorry, I - we didn't know you had company; we can leave."

"No, stay awhile. I'm not recently engaged; I'd like to celebrate!"

The bathroom door swung open and Cecile strode out, stopping when she saw Sheldon and Amy. "Oh! Hi, guys!"

"Hi, Cecile," Amy said uncertainly.

"Raj, may I speak with you in private?" Sheldon asked, his voice hasty and loud.

"Sure."

The pair stepped outside into the brick hallway, and Sheldon closed the door. "First, you should know that I have been taking what Amy calls Keep Your Mouth Shut classes, and I'm learning to respect the privacy of my friends. So I'm going to inform you that I object to you dating both Cecile and Emily, even though her clownish appearance and scary personality frighten me; but you should tell Cecile or end it with Emily so I don't have to, because I'm not in this relationship; and seeing you cheat on Emily is unpleasant."

Raj lifted his hands. "Whoa, slow down, bud. Cecile and I are not dating; we're just...sharing a bottle of wine after she inquired about the condition of my bed."

Sheldon raised his brows.

"Sugar peed on it, and she wanted to know if I'd gotten it dry-cleaned. Dirty birdy."

"So there's nothing going on here?"

"No."

"Hold on," Sheldon said, as Raj moved toward his suite. "What about three days ago? Was there something going on then? Like Priya?"

Raj squinted at him. "Is Amy also teaching a Mind Your Own Business program?"

"I knew it," Sheldon said triumphantly.

"Hang on, I didn't say yes!"

"You didn't say no, either."

"Uh...no."

Sheldon gave him a considering look.

"Fine, she's in town. But keep your mouth shut. Until she speaks to Leonard herself, you know nothing."

Sheldon shrugged. "I'll do my best. I have been getting better. Just know that secrets have the power to corrupt."

"Is that why you never kept secrets? To get rid of the poison?"

"Au contraire," Sheldon answered. "To spread it. If humankind truly desires to place upon me the burden of secret-keeping, I'll happily take down with me all who participate."

Raj gave him a WTF look. "Why?"

"You know me; I don't like leaving people behind."

"How generous of you," Raj said sarcastically.

Sheldon smiled and nodded, then pushed open the door and entered the apartment.

-0-0-0-0-

Jogging along a worn park trail, Penny slowed to a stop when she caught sight of Priya walking straight toward her. Rolling back her shoulders and sighing, she began to walk. The two girls stopped in front of one another.

"Hi, Penny."

"Hey. Long time no see," Penny answered cordially, and then bluntly asked, "What the hell are you doing here?"

Priya shrugged. "It's a long story."

"Okay, well, my time is short, so..." Penny moved past her.

"Uh, Penny?"

Penny turned.

"Uh, h-how've you been?"

Penny blinked and moved closer. "Uh, pretty good. Actually, lately things have been going wonderful. Did you hear Leonard and I are married?"

"Oh, congratulations! I'm married, too."

"Good. Very good."

Priya nodded. "It is. Listen, would it be too awkward if I said hello to Leonard? Maybe asked how he's doing?"

Penny cocked her head. "I assume he's happily married, too."

"Yes, I'm sure he is."

"Well, there ya go."

"Right...sure."

Penny moved to leave, but again Priya's voice halted her.

"Hey, do you think we could talk sometime?"

"About what?" Penny asked bluntly.

"Well, I have a feeling you might...totally hate me," Priya answered. "I thought maybe we could bury the hatchet, maybe have a double date sometime."

"Oh? Would your husband and I be there?"

"Well, yes."

Penny wrinkled her nose. "I don't know, let me think about it."

"You know, I don't know if Raj told you, but I work at a pizza place now."

"You know what, a double date sounds perfect," Penny answered. 


	5. Chapter 5

The muffled voices of Koothrappali and Howard had Penny standing and moving to her door. Letting herself out of her suite, she crossed the hall and let herself into 4A. Standing near the door, she crossed her arms and glared at Raj until he caught her eye, and his smile faded. When Penny didn't move, blink or smile he turned and moved quietly down the hall to the bathroom.

"You okay? You look weird," Howard told her.

"Priya's back in town," Penny answered, and studied their faces for a reaction. When none came she felt herself getting pissed. "Oh, God, you ALL knew?"

"I didn't," Amy answered. "I just don't care."

Penny looked at Leonard, who shrugged. "I thought it was her; Raj said it wasn't."

Penny stood and walked calmly down the hall. Leaning on the wall across from the bathroom, she waited for Raj to come out. When he slowly opened the door and saw her there he bowed his head and locked himself back inside.

"You own his ass right now," Amy quietly said.

Penny rolled her eyes and moved to the door. "Raj, come on. Open up."

"No, you're going to hit me."

"I hit creeps like Howard," she retorted. "Please come out?"

There was a short pause.

"Okay, fine, just...let me pee again."

Penny turned and followed Amy back into the living room. Stopping, she looked at Leonard. "Priya wants us to go on a double date with her."

"Oh. Uh. Well, maybe next time."

"I said yes."

"Oh! Uh, why?"

Penny shrugged and smiled, but it looked mean. "I like watching Koothrappali sweat."

The sound of an iPhone receiving a Facebook notification sounded throughout the room, and all the friends simultaneously dug out their iPhones to check their mail.

"Mine," Amy said simply, and began to scroll as the others put away their iPhones. "Uhhh, oh."

"What's wrong, wifey?" Sheldon asked.

"You know that selfie I took of us earlier?" Amy asked.

"What about it?"

Amy angled the iPhone so he could read a comment left by Barry Kripke. His face wrinkled. "Set your status to Engaged and give him what for."

Amy continued to tap away as Raj walked into the room. Penny glanced at him, but kept her expression neutralized so he wouldn't run off. "I know Priya's in town," was all she said.

"Oh dear. This is it. I'm going to die young in my friends' living room." Raj looked quickly at Howard. "Tell Cecile I thought she was nice. And tell Bernadette I finally understood how embarrassing it is to stand in a puddle of your own wee-wee."

"Raj, sweetie," Penny began, "Relax. She and our hubbies are all goin' out for dinner."

"Oh. Uh, ok-okay. Uh, w-why's that?"

"Obviously this is a mechanism for guilt-tripping you into delivering an apology for lying," Amy stepped in. "I believe by this context Penny has a backup plan to at the very least give your baby sister a black eye."

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" Raj said quickly.

Amy looked down at her plate. "Damn." 


	6. Chapter 6

"You sure you want to do this?" Leonard asked.

"No, absolutely not," Penny answered.

Leonard smiled smugly, sitting back in the bench. "Look at me! My wife is jealously sitting here stewing that a successful lawyer is aching to see me. I'm a dog!"

Penny looked at him. "She's a greasy, stained pizza girl now." She picked up her napkin and crumpled it in her hand. "And the bitch is still hotter than me."

"Oh, come on. You're extremely hot," Leonard told her. He looked up at Priya as she walked into the restaurant. "Whoa," he muttered at the sight of her.

Priya and her husband slid into the booth across from theirs. "Hello, Penny, Leonard. I'd like you to meet my husband Samar. Honey, this is Leonard, and Penny."

Samar reached out and shook their hands. "Nice to meet you."

"Yeah, it's nice to meet you too!" Penny said, desperately hoping that he would distract Priya and keep her away from Leonard.

Their table went awkwardly silent, until finally Samar asked, "How'd you two meet?"

"I moved into the apartment across his," Penny answered. "What about you guys?"

Shamar shifted his weight, instantly visibly uncomfortable. "I, uh, followed the sound of her yelling."

Leonard nodded, looking at Priya. "Sweet," he finally said.

They accepted their menus from a passing waiter. "Oh, how's your actress slash waitress job going?" Priya asked Penny.

"It's not going; it's gone. I quit and now I'm a pharmaceutical sales rep," Penny answered.

Priya looked genuinely impressed. "Wow."

Penny smiled; feeling rather smug. Suddenly she was the more successful. Funny, how some things worked out.

-0-0-0-0-

Howard was in his lab, placing shelving on top of the brackets of a tall bookshelf when his iPhone rang. He answered. "Hello? Hey, Josh, what's up? ...No, I - actually, yes. I will. ...Yeah, see you." He hung up and looked at the clock. Smiling, he placed the last shelf and let himself out of his lab. Locking the door, he walked down the hall, where he flagged down Dr. Gablehauser. "Hey, Dr. Gablehauser, do you think I can get my phD someday?" he asked.

Dr. Gablehauser briefly considered. "No."

"Why not?"

"You built a six-breasted robot, you were circumsized by another, and I'm told you were bested by a toy helicopter," came the snarky response. "Be glad we even kept you."

Howard tried not to throttle the man. "Have a nice day," he said in a strained voice.

"It's a little late for that."

They went their own separate ways.

-0-0-0-0-

Wearing a pale yellow T-shirt and jeans, her hair up in a high ponytail, and contact lenses; Amy turned off the car and went into the hospital with high hopes and a full heart. She was immeasurably glad to have traveled alone, because when she returned to her car with a diagnosis half an hour later, she had to break down and cry. 


	7. Chapter 7

"Waiter! Hit me again!" Penny called.

Priya looked at her in amused disbelief. "You are so drunk."

"Yeah, I think you've had enough," Leonard added.

"Don't be silly, Leo! More's always good. Hey, look!" Penny stood and waved very obviously. "It's Howard! Hey, Howard!"

Howard stopped and waved, but quietly said to his half-brother and their father, "Okay, maybe we go eat at a different place."

-0-0-0-0-

The doorbell rang as Bernadette moved slowly down the stairs. "I SAID I'M COMIN'!" Bernadette screamed. "THESE COOKIES BETTER BE MADE OF HEAVEN!"

Finally reaching the door she blinked up at an agitated Sheldon, who moved restlessly where he stood. "Sheldon? What's the matter?"

"Have you heard from Amy?" 


End file.
